The "It's Been a Doozy of a Time" Part of the Writing Life

Hello, dear readers. It has been a LONG time since I've shared something here in this space. 

Flowers that Brought My Mom Joy
Gifted by Loved Ones, K & H

As the title of this post implies, it's been a doozy of a time since I queued up my last guest posts (in May!) and since I've contributed my own posts (in January and February!) 

I'm pretty sure I've not gone this long between posts before -- and I'm pretty sure I've not had so many events in my life tugging at my heartstrings and occupying my time as this past several months has "provided." 

Over the past few months, the gifts of "real life" have been giving a little more fully for me than the gifts of fiction. And so, I have tried my best to be present for real life, knowing that for every time there is a season, and for this past several months, the season, for me, has been more about living in real life than writing about life.  

Each of these events could fill an entire blog post, but for now, I'll just give a quick snippet rundown of what life has looked like for me since my last post in May: 

-My youngest child graduated from college.

-Our family of four (my husband and I, and our two grown kids) traveled overseas to share time together and celebrate the aforementioned college graduation.

-My husband and I celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary with a trip up to Whidbey Island, with a side-visit to see a dear friend and her beloved grandchildren in the Seattle area.

Upon our return home from that trip, my life went very topsy-turvy: 

-My mom, who has had a long list of health issues, and whom I have closely cared for for many, many years came to stay at our home on a Tuesday, during what looked like another challenging health journey in which I did not feel she was well-enough to stay in her home by herself, and exactly one week later (and a lifetime of living in between), my mom passed away in my home, with loving family by her side. 

-The next several weeks were spent attending to my mom's affairs, including cleaning out her apartment before month's end. 

-My sister and I finished the very last of my mom's apartment move out / clean out needs at about midnight on a Friday. By mid-day the very next day, I was on the road up to the Seattle area (about 4 hours from my home) to pick up my dear friend (the one I had visited earlier), who had had an unexpected illness and hospitalization, and took her back home with me to recuperate after her hospitalization. 

-About two weeks later, my friend returned to her own home, and my husband and I took a respite break to our home in Central Oregon. I worked diligently on some remote get-out-the vote work, such as text banking during that "respite break." 

-We returned home to vote and to continue with several more days of intense get-out-the vote work. 

-And then the election happened -- which knocked me for a very big loop. 

In the weeks since the election, I've walked around feeling like a bit of a zombie and done my best to engage in some self-care: 

I've taken long walks. I've fed my family. I've gone out to listen to a bunch of live music (to soothe my soul and to support local businesses and local artists). I've helped a friend whose own parent became ill, entered into Hospice, and just passed away. I've spent time with family, including my dad (long divorced from my mom), who just celebrated his 80th birthday. I've read books.

And, at long last, I've started writing again, including here, in this space. 

It's possible there might be another long gap before I write again in this space (or maybe not ... we shall see). What I do know, is that right now, I'm putting most of my writing energy into the stories I write for children, and into getting the books I've already published into the hands of young readers. 

Speaking of which, if you find my blog helpful, please consider ordering one of my books. It supports me and my work. 

Click here for earlier posts from me on the topic of The Writing Life. 

Birth Stories for Books: The Joy of Imperfect Love, by Carla Marie Manly, PHD

One of the big bonuses of being a children's book author is getting to know other members of the book-writing community and their books. As a result of my affiliation with Familius, the publisher of my next scheduled book, I've learned about THE JOY OF IMPERFECT LOVE: The Art of Creating Healthy, Securely Attached Relationships, by Carla Marie Manly, PHD (Familius, March 2024).

by Carla Marie Manly, PHD

I recently received an advanced reader copy of this book, and although I haven't finished reading it yet, I didn't want to wait any longer to share it with you. It's the kind of the book that's packed to the brim with valuable information that's meant to be read and re-read, contemplated and considered, pondered and practiced. 

A few days ago I was chatting with a different author friend of mine about some of the less pleasant aspects of the publishing industry, including some past experiences and interactions that have been hurtful and damaging to my tender heart. Dr. Manly's book, although more specifically directed at helping readers develop healthier loving relationships, is rooted in the importance of loving one's imperfect self. It's a perfect book to read and consider for those of us navigating the book-publishing world, and the imperfect path to publication. 

And with that, I will turn it over to Dr. Carla Marie Manly, for a different sort of Birth Stories for Books guest post. Instead of sharing with us how this particular book (Dr. Manly's fourth) came to be, Dr. Manly shares with us some of the key concepts in her book, helping each of us journey forward in love, as we bring our imperfect selves to the page day after day after day, in search of our own Birth Stories for Books. 

6 GEMS OF IMPERFECT LOVE

by Carla Marie Manly, PhD

Love—and life—are messy! In a world that focuses on perfection, the concept of imperfect love is the antidote our souls need.  Imperfect love allows us to grow and shift for the better by releasing unconscious programming from the past. As we become more self-aware, we can consciously release negative habits and embrace those that bring joy and lasting love. Unlike the myth of perfect, fairytale love, genuine love doesn’t “just happen”; it takes ongoing effort.  When we put our energy into loving well (if imperfectly), we foster the emotional connection we crave. 

As a clinical psychologist, I’ve found that our overall well-being is deeply affected by the love we experience.  If you are feeling stuck, I invite you to embrace a few of the core concepts of imperfect love to begin your journey into self-discovery, connection, and genuinely loving relationships. 

#1—LOVE IS LEARNED: If you didn’t experience unconditional—albeit imperfect—love as a child, healthy love may not be natural for you. We experience love through the love that was modeled for us. We first come to know love by being loved, then by learning to love in return. For better or worse, we are—unless we create a shift—the products of our formative love experiences.  If you find yourself getting stuck in blame or shame, use your energy to create positive change. 

#2—THE IMPERFECT SELF: Knowing and loving yourself from the inside is the key to imperfect love. Self-awareness fosters self-love; as you appreciate who you are as an individual, the pressure to conform evaporates. By embracing your individuality, your self-esteem blossoms. From this centered place of empowered self-awareness, your imperfect self feels seen and accepted. Allow yourself to practice honoring—rather than rejecting—your imperfections. 

#3—SELF-LOVE: Self-love isn’t a given; it is grown on a strong foundation of compassion and self-esteem. Self-love is an equalizer and is available to anyone who fosters positive acceptance and change. Your self-love will grow as you work to hone your strengths and shore up—and accept--your imperfections. Strive to spend a bit of time every day nonjudgmentally noticing thoughts that hold you back from loving yourself well. 

#4—LOVE EVOLVES:  As you embrace your imperfect self, you’ll discover that imperfect love is not a goal but an evolutionary journey that involves five gifts—your feelings, thoughts, mindsets, energy, and actions. As you intentionally use the imperfect interplay of these five gifts, you will feel more secure, aware, and empowered in all of your relationships.  Gently practice noticing and honoring your various emotions as they arise; give them space to be present without judgment. 

#5—FRIENDSHIP: Healthy relationships are built on the seven pillars of true friendship—investment, respect, honesty, kindness, compassion, wise acceptance, and shared vulnerabilities. When mutually fostered, these pillars create profound trust and safety. Healthy relationships don’t expect perfection; they ask for conscientious, devoted efforts that create imperfect, authentic love.  Pause to notice the people in your life who consistently offer the seven pillars of true friendship.  

#6—COMMUNICATION: We experience the bonding power of listening and being heard when we dismantle our defenses and dive into heartfelt, connective communication. And by using the art of healthy conflict, we experience bonding growth. We become more attuned to ourselves and others as we strengthen our communication and conflict resolution skills. In this intentional space, fear recedes as joyful, imperfect love expands.  Allow yourself to notice your helpful and unhelpful communication patterns with various people; embrace the patterns that feel connective to you.

As we discover and embrace the secrets to healthy love for ourselves and others, our lives begin to change.  The journey of imperfect love allows you to find—and embrace—the healthy love you crave and deserve.  There is no better time than now to bring healthy, genuine love into your world. 

The concepts in this article are based on Dr. Carla Marie Manly’s fourth book, The Joy of Imperfect Love. 

Dr. Carla Marie Manly—clinical psychologist, Imperfect Love podcaster, and author—is based in Sonoma County, California. In addition to her clinical practice focusing on relationships and personal transformation, Dr. Manly is deeply invested in her roles as a consultant and speaker. With a refreshingly direct and honest approach—plus a dose of humor—Dr. Manly enjoys supporting others in the ever-evolving journey of life.  Her novel self-development paradigm builds resilience, emotional intelligence, and self-esteem. Highlighting the importance of loving connection, her work also focuses on helping others create deeply connected and satisfying intimate relationships. Working from a transformative model that honors the body-mind-spirit connection, Dr. Manly offers holistic relationship and wellness seminars around the world.  Her four captivating books, The Joy of Imperfect Love, Date Smart, Joy from Fear, and Aging Joyfully highlight Dr. Manly’s empowering approach and profound expertise.  Dr. Manly’s expertise is also regularly cited in media outlets including The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, USA Today, Forbes, Oprah, Newsweek, NBC, HuffPost, Reader’s Digest, Psychology Today, Parade, GQ, Women’s Health, Architectural Digest, Men’s Health, and more.  

Thanks so much for sharing THE JOY OF IMPERFECT LOVE with us, Dr. Manly! 

Readers, the best way to thank an author whose insights have been helpful and/or inspiring to you is to support their work. Buy their books. Request them from your library. Read and share them with others. Dr. Carla Marie Manly's books, such as THE JOY OF IMPERFECT LOVE, are available everywhere books are borrowed and sold, including bookshop, your own local, indie bookstore, and directly from Familius. 

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Birth Stories for Books is an occasional feature of Dawn Babb Prochovnic's blog. Dawn is an award-winning author of multiple picture books including, Lucy's Blooms, Where Does a Cowgirl Go Potty?, Where Does a Pirate Go Potty?, and 16 books in the Story Time With Signs & Rhymes series. Dawn is a contributing author to the award-winning book, Oregon Reads Aloud, and a frequent presenter at schools, libraries, and educational conferences. Contact Dawn using the form at the left, or learn more at www.dawnprochovnic.com.  

Seeking Diverse Contributors for "Birth Stories for Books" and "Have Swag Will Travel" Blog Series

The blog has been quiet for awhile. I've been quiet for awhile. I'm doing my best to listen. To learn. To reflect on how I personally contribute to and benefit from systemic racism. To make changes in my own behaviors. To become a better ally.

I first started my blog as way to provide free, accessible activities and learning extensions related to my books and my training and consulting company, SmallTalk Learning. Many of the teachers, librarians and families that I serve via my infant/toddler sign language workshops and early literacy training and consulting business hungered for more resources than I could effectively and affordably supply in person. Many of my workshop participants are from communities of color, and the educational resource aspect of my blog continues to be something I'm proud of and that I feel confident makes a positive difference in my community and in our world.

As my blog evolved over time, I started creating different collections of posts, for example, Quick Ideas for Getting Started with Signing, Start to Finish Story Time, (as well as the expanded version of that series, Start to Finish Story Time, Expanded), and Birth Stories for Books.

I'm especially proud of my Birth Stories for Books series, and my Have Swag Will Travel series, as these posts help me (and my readers) meet and learn from a variety of different authors, and they allow me the opportunity to amplify the voices and works of other authors. The first posts in these series started with a general outreach to my personal/ professional social network seeking contributors for guest posts and/or interviews. Since then, contributors for each series has evolved through word of mouth.

What I am not proud of is that as of this writing, I have only hosted one guest of color on my blog. This is not due to a lack of interest, but it is due to a lack of intentional outreach. This must change. As I pay closer attention to the Black Lives Matter movement, and as I reflect on and learn about my own contributions to racism and the systemic inequities in our society, I understand that I personally must do better. Going forward I will intentionally seek out a wider range of voices to amplify. I will seek opportunities to discover and reach out to writers and illustrators of color that are outside of my current personal/professional circles. I will work to establish a more diverse network of contributors.

If you are a person of color, or a person from another underrepresented community, and you have an interest in your work being featured on this blog, please reach out via the contact form on the left, or through a DM on my Twitter account. I want to learn about your unique path to publication. I want to hear about the unique obstacles you faced in finding a publishing home for your book(s). I want to learn your professional tips and tricks for book events and other book promotions. I want to shine a light on you and on your work.

Please feel encouraged to share this post widely so that I can begin to expand and widen my outreach to a more diverse cast of book creators.

And ... if I've made a mistake on how I've worded something, or characterized something in this outreach, call me out. I want to be made of aware of my mistakes so that I can learn, and so that I can do better.